====== First Starlight ====== //…At some point during the day…// It was finally that time of year again. The time that I finally receive peace after a long year’s toil. The time where everything is quiet, and for once, everyone finds the will to simply….be calm. Silent. The best time to get my work done, and the only time I could count on to not have to deal with anyone coming to bother me. Or at least, that was how it usually went. Instead, this year instead of stretching before a pile of paperwork or a messily cobbled alchemic formula…instead of peace and quiet, I clean my face in front of a mirror, practice smiles with the reflection, and head downstairs into utter chaos. Yet I am happy. //Much earlier…// Despite my having literally bought this house for such, I have never been one for a normal family gathering even at the best of times. I always found myself simply too ill equip to bring anything but a dampening to any intended moods. I always thought it would be better if I was only there for my family in the times that they really needed me--financially, and when called for my strength of arm. But since I have been…made whole, in a sense, I have had little choice but to look at the true core of what caused my distance: Fear and weakness. Even without my memories, I felt ashamed at the fact I was incomplete. Terrified that I was left alone in the world because I as a person was not enough—because I was simply just a weak little nothing. How could I be anything more than temporary for anyone when even my own flesh and blood saw fit to abandon me? When everyone who came after would betray me one after the other? I was mind-numbingly terrified of losing this family I cobbled together for myself by making the mistake of being a part of it too much. Pure cowardice. But now I know the truth. I know the truth, and my body is no longer broken. No longer will I allow my fear and weakness to be that which keeps me from reaching out to those I hold dear. But even more importantly than all of that, I realized that beyond my selfishness there was something even more significant happening. It was to be Beleth’s first Starlight, and she had yet to meet her true family. So, I wanted to change that. The first step was sending out an invitation to everyone to come to my house. I did not think they would believe my reasoning to be for celebration, what with nothing other than an emergency summons, but for now I think the surprise will do. I bought the petty decorations, and even consulted some of the more domestic types in the city on the proper conduct, and despite my substituting the sheer bulk of wax and flame based light with a larger fire from the fireplace, I think it still looked…passable. Probably. Surprisingly, the first to arrive was Rhaulla. Even more shocking was her festive wear as she kicked her way into the house, with a sac over her shoulder. “Th’ FUCK is the ale at!?” were her first words to me after more than a year since we have met in person. Despite her gripes and rough demeanor, she had been my partner all these years, quietly doing the work I could not carry out myself. “…You knew this was to be a party then?” I replied, a bit shocked that she seemed so very prepared for festivities. “Th’ fuck else you gonna invite me here for on a godsdamned holiday ye fuckin shite?” She threw the sack over her shoulder under the large tree I’d stuck in the middle of the room and went into the kitchen area, raiding my pantry until she found Onini’s stash of liquors, immediately popping two open. I’m going to pay for that later. But her presence brought a somewhat embarrassing thought to mind: Had everyone I invited already divined my intent from the first? What if they were expecting more fun things to do? This was already going awry and only one person was here. The next two to arrive were P’lami and Bonslette, my second and third daughters respectively, carrying what appeared to be armfuls of candy—and also dressed for the occasion like Rhaulla. That was my question all but settled then. Everyone coming likely knew my intent. No sooner had they walked through the door and laid eyes on me, P’lami thrust her bag onto Bonslette’s and jumped into me like a torpedo, tackling me onto the ground. Before, I had always been aware of them, and gave the minimal amount of interaction beyond instruction and the like, but perhaps now it was time to finally look at my daughters with a careful eye. P’lami, ever hyperactive and outgoing, appeared to be the most foolish amongst her sisters. Perhaps it was due to her seeker blood, but she always seemed to be getting into one thing or another without cease. She was what one might call a personification of vitality. Yet despite her appearance, the girl was no fool. Even as she tackled me onto the floor, I felt the daggers I gave her years ago tucked carefully away under her clothes. She was ever prepared, ever watching. She always reminded me of a snake coiled and ready to strike at a moment’s notice. This was why I decided to teach her how to utilize her natural talents to the fullest. She possesses something I simply did not: The capacity to choose when to feel and when not to. Usually by now I would have either dodged her lunge or told her to get off of me…but today was different. I could feel the warmth in her hug, and despite my initial intentions to remain roughly the same as usual, something in her earnest affection melted me. I could only reach up and pat her head with an attempted smile on my face. Which apparently made the room fall silent. Bonslette was the first to recover, bending down next to P’lami to get her off of me after setting their bags down. These two were always inseparable for some reason (likely due to the fact they joined the family together), and despite Bonslette being an elezen and P’lami being Miqo’te, one might still manage to mistake them for twins with how well they seem to fit together. Bonslette, unlike the rest of her sisters was mostly normal. She did not possess that coiled darkness like P’lami and Pheria, nor did she possess a great deal of power and talent like Luna and Beleth. She was however far more adept than the others at simply fitting into roles. Caregiver, manager, accountant, singer—this girl fearlessly and adequately handled everything thrust at her with what I imagine most elezen incorrectly believe themselves to actually possess: Grace. Her ability to be a jack of all trades of sorts has led to the most problems out of all of her sisters. People want her for themselves, and some quite literally take her. “Where are your other sisters?” I asked, realizing that no one was filing in behind them. Bonslette seemed ready to scold P’lami further but took a deep breath upon my question and apparently decided internally to hold it until later. “They are still getting ready I believe” she replied, dragging her sister to the nearby sofa by the ear and greeting Rhaulla who was chugging down Onini’s alcohol with a content expression. I inspected the bags they brought, and at a glance I could tell it was absolutely filled to the brim with candies. It seems that my plan here was being overwritten by someone else’s, and I could already guess whom the culprit might be. Shrugging my shoulders, I went back to the kitchen, preparing the feast for later. //That Afternoon… // Luna finally arrived, pushing into the room so quietly she might have gone unnoticed amongst the noise the other three had been making were it not for the gust of cold that crashed into the room once she opened the door. “Lunie!” was poor Luna’s only warning before P’lami shot into her chest like a missile, sending them both tumbling back outside into the snow. I could only shake my head at the spectacle until they eventually quietly return to the room (by which I mean Luna hit her sister upside the head and dragged her back into the house behind her) and after placing her sister back on the sofa Luna came to greet me. She too, was wearing the festive clothing like the others, but as usual she added a hood to it and tried to keep her face from view. The sight of it pricked at something in my chest. I do not know what to call it, but the sight of her hiding herself even here in her own home just felt…wrong. So, perhaps in the heat of the moment I snatched the hood from her head and grabbed her cheeks, pulling them a with my fingertips. But perhaps an explanation is in order. Luna was born a Midlander. She lived as one as well until the calamity happened, and the moon saw fit to fall from the sky and burst. Luna lived in a village that was unfortunately hit by one of these massive shards of Dalamud…. right before being further razed by an angry elder primal lighting the realm on fire. The tragedy not only robbed her of her home and family, but also deformed beyond belief and on the brink of death for years. She was never saved. She was, however, snatched up by a madman interested in the aetheric imbalance in her body, and how malleable she seemed to have become as a result. He sacrificed the lives of both man and beast to fuse their flesh with the girl, and as a result of his perversions she was once again granted her senses and a functioning body. But in return she also had abnormal additions to her body. Like a long tail, claws, fangs, and frankly terrifyingly tough musculature. She was more beast than man when we met, and when we fought, she very nearly killed me. Instead, I killed the madman that did this to her and forged a report that she (his experiment) died in the encounter. It was a surprise when she decided to actively seek me out after, making her the only other daughter besides Pheria to choose me. Beneath her massive potential and terrifying might however, Luna is mostly just a scared, depressed, and above all else ashamed girl. She glamours herself in cities to avoid problems, taking on the appearance of a Raen, but when amongst family she instead opts to simply hide her more bestial features beneath her clothes. Before, I chose to simply wait until she grew comfortable with her condition to remove it of her own accord, but something about seeing it today simply…hurt. Her surprised expression was all it took to snap me out of my impulse, and I found that my tongue did not have an immediate response for the question in her eyes. Once again, the room fell silent and now everyone was staring at me. This was not what I had intended. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not find an excuse to mask it with. It was at this moment I was again confronted with my weakness and cowardice as a person. I knew what this feeling was, and yet despite telling myself I would look at my family properly, my immediate thought was to hide my true feelings from them. This would not stand. I opened my mouth to say the words, but only rasped air escaped. This was quite pathetic. Making a show of throwing the hood on the floor to by myself some time, I pushed down that screaming desire to flee the room building in the back of my head and instead grabbed Luna’s droopy elezen-like ears, rubbing them as they twitched at the side of her head like a coeurls. They were warm. “Listen…” I managed to push out, ignoring the heat building in my cheeks, “I…uh…you are here with family. There is no need to hide yourself around us, and you are not ugly anyway.” I wanted to look away from her but forced myself to stare into her eyes. I wanted her to know I meant it. “Hide if you must out there, but in here it is meaningless. I want to see my daughter’s face, not the shadows around her mouth.” I had more to say, but I could not get it out—mostly because I found that I was suddenly on the floor and staring at the ceiling. It was not P’lami this time, but Luna that lunged at me, and had cradled a vice-like hug around my neck, followed soon after by P’lami herself jumping on top apparently wanting to join in on the affections. I wonder…was this the pain of fatherhood, or an attempted assassination? Bonslette eventually dragged her sisters off of me, but not a moment after I managed to stop seeing three of everything did the girl herself pop down to give me a quick hug herself. I guess embarrassing myself like that could have gone worse. I thought myself in control after the healing of my catalyst crystal, but all the magic at my fingertips in the world can not undo the squirming feeling of knowing everyone is hearing me say words I normally do not, and being caught wholly off guard by it. I must look quite the fool. Eventually, the final two daughters I expected arrived: Pheria, with little Beleth (or Raziel I suppose) riding her shoulders. As expected, they too were wearing festive little outfits, and with Pheria’s hulking arms she was carrying two large sacks while Beleth seemed to be playing some kind of tune on a flute. When did she learn to play an instrument? Inwardly lamenting the noise I would surely suffer later due to this apparently newfound interest in music, they greet everyone in the room before Pheria sets Beleth down and comes to smile at me. That sly, but distinct smile of hers gave it all away. Pheria was the one that saw through my intent and prepared everyone immediately. Not that I would put it past her to be capable of such. Pheria was my first daughter. The eldest of them all, and of course the first to actually choose me for the path of fatherhood. Our circumstances of meeting were far beyond abnormal, and when she suddenly declared that she was to be my kin (without my input mind), at the time, I simply thought her to be using me for some grand plan or another. More than anyone else I have ever met including myself, Pheria has been both blessed and cursed with an acute mind and a vast darkness to accompany it. Calling her simply a coiled snake did nothing to describe exactly what she was justice. It was as if she could see far into the future and planned accordingly for every potential possibility that might come. What then, I always wondered, had she chosen me for? After seeing that…thing, and our wholly different initial reactions to it, I always figured that we were doomed to destroy each other. Or, at the very least…she would be destroying me one day. But she has not betrayed me even once. Even when we were separated by the world bursting into flames, she continued to search for me for half a decade. Even when the so-called allies I cobbled together for myself and my own wife attempted to kill me and she was presented with the perfect opportunity to end the threat that was me once and for all, she instead twisted their ill intent into aid for me. She created a victory in what was sure to be my death sentence. Even when I have failed all these years to be a proper father to her and her sisters, she keeps everyone together and connected. She has been the pillar and the guiding star, not me. While I am ashamed of myself for being presented with my failings as a person when I gaze at her, so too does my chest swell with an indescribably massive wave of pride. We did not speak words to each other in the direct fashion as it was never our way. Or rather, I was never capable of it. But today I aimed to change that at least a little. I reached over to lay a hand on her shoulder and let the uncomfortable laugh escape my lips. “Thank you.” It was all I could manage, but it was also everything I needed to say, I think. Her smile widened and she turned to jump on Rhaulla who was already working on a third bottle, drawing out a slew of curse words. The food was done now, so I was practically out of excuses to leave them to their own devices. Words cannot describe how lost I felt trying to decide how to interact with this gathering of people. It was not like work, where I could flip a switch and act accordingly. Nor was it a situation I could carelessly say and do whatever I wanted. And the longer I stood here thinking about it, the more apparent it would become how lost and nervous I was. Pushing these thoughts to the back of my head, I instead went over to Beleth who thankfully had her flute confiscated already by Rhaulla and was standing by the large tree, gazing up at the sparkling decorations and trying to recreate them with her magic, succeeding only in remaking the shape at the moment. I placed my hand on her head somewhat shakily (I have rarely spoken to her, let alone touch her), and rub it roughly. The priests in the temple have taken such care with the girl one might think her a doll. Honestly, were it not for Pheria running her around all the time now I think she would already be well on her way to being even more of a brat than she already was. She looked up at me in slight confusion, scrunching her face up a bit at my touch. “What?” I asked, trying to make my voice as teasing as possible to hide my rising fear of rejection, “Still don’t want the weak papa to touch you?” The room became a bit quieter at my words, but I ignored them. This was my main objective after all. This child was not simply of my blood, she represented the height of my cowardice. To place all of my hopes and expectations on a child from the first was far more than a mistake, it was an injustice to the person herself. So even more than wanting her to spend time relaxing outside of that stifling temple I wanted her to see me. Her father was finally not a tattered husk, nor was he wordlessly avoiding looking at her out of fear she would divine his insecurities related to her. I am right here, and my weakness is purged. “Go on,” I said, sneering down at her with eyes coming to a low glow. “Call me weak.” Her eyes were like saucers, and her mouth stayed agape for quite some time. I knew that more than anyone else in the room she could see it. My aether restored, and my body healed. After a time though she regained her composure and shrugged, looking back at her failed replica ornament. “I’m still stronger,” she mumbled, sounding a bit unsure of herself. She was not wrong especially considering the circumstances of her birth, but that bit of uncertainty meant she really could see all of it—including the thing vying for control over my mind. I laughed and picked her up, trying my best to convey that I was fine, but children are particularly sensitive to the emotions of others—Beleth perhaps far more so. I was not certain if it worked or not. When I finally put her down, I proceeded to explain how the ornaments were made. Beleth is both talented and intelligent, but also extremely emotional. Speaking to her in terms she did not know, about a thing she knew little about, and correcting her when she tried to make assumptions did not go over well at all, ending with my entire body being drenched in a water spell and pushed against the wall, which is objectively an upgrade from the fire I suppose. Now fully restored to the full brunt of my memories emotions and passion as I went upstairs, I could not help but wonder if it was actually her mother or me to blame for the emotional outbursts she inherited. After cleaning my face and practicing better smiles in the mirror, I pulled out a linkpearl in my pocket, carefully thinking everything over. Should I call Novine here? She has not experienced Starlight before, and it is technically her first as well. But we have not exchanged words nor established whether she actually intends to interact with me beyond need. It would probably not be proper to reach out first. If she intends to come, she will likely contact me. I pull a second linkpearl from my pocket and study it. Perhaps Annu then? She is family at this point, but I suppose I have not made that clear in the slightest either, convenient as it has been to keep her at arms-length. She is likely with her own children at the moment. Besides, she will find an excuse to appear should she desire it. Kerori and Xao? My would-be siblings. I am as much to blame for the current state of our relationships as they are. If Kerori is not dead in a ditch somewhere from his drinking, I doubt he would come for me of all people in the first place. But Xao…Xao is not unlike I was. She will not reach out, but I doubt she will shun me, and I want her to be here as well. I’ll give her a try later if she does not show. I stopped on my way down the stairs and surveyed the room. Almost everyone I invited had come, but there were still a few missing. “Brat—I mean…Raziel, where is your mother? Still in the temple?” Beleth takes a moment to think things over with her mouth stuffed full of candies before actively searching for her mother’s aether. Finding it rather quickly, she nods rather quickly, appearing like a mixture of a bobble head and a squirrel with it’s mouth stuffed with nuts. “Well go get her then and don’t take no for an answer. Tell her…” I rub my chin, trying to think of the words best suited to get her here and vaguely tease her at the same time. “Tell her I demand she come before me right this instant.” Beleth looks a bit scared but quickly hops into a rift like a rabbit, disappearing from the room. Onini’s pride and arrogance topped my own even after my restoration. Having anyone demand anything of her—even me—is likely to irritate her more than she can ignore. I began cackling to myself when my eye caught Rhaulla, now on her fifth bottle of booze. Onini’s booze. And I just sent a taunt to get her here. Suddenly, the genius of my plan was replaced by the vague understanding that my daughters tearing the house down in one way or another were not the worst threat at hand anymore. My thoughts were interrupted however by a light knock on the door. No one I invited was timid enough or tactful enough to actually knock, so I opened it curious as to who it might be. What I found was not something dangerous or worse a well-wisher, but my wayward apprentice Veldi. Unlike the others, she was not wearing any festive clothes, instead, standing in the snow with a thick trench coat and crumpled looking cigar stuffed into the corner of her mouth. I recognized those shifting eyes—I felt the same urge to do the very same earlier. The look of someone trying to find words to mask things. I closed the door and stood next to her, doing her the courtesy of looking away so she could calm down a bit. “I tricked you again,” I started, trying to give her as much ground to stand on as possible, “it was not an emergency I invited you to, but a party.” She sat down in the snow next to me, taking a long puff from her cigar. “Yeah, figured that out.” We had not directly spoken to each other for so long. In truth, I had not expected her to ever return. With my grimoire in her body now, I no longer had the means to actually force her to do anything. It was that link we had that kept us connected to one another—forced us to face each other and look out for one another in our own twisted way—it was like a contract. But that had been broken now, and all that was left between us was the flimsy declaration that she would kill me one day. Well, I could not pretend that was really all of it. My blood runs in her veins now. If Beleth were not around (perhaps even despite it), Veldi is the closest thing to a blood related family member I have. It was more than just a complicated web between us. I had not expected a simple invitation to really just…blow all of that away. Neither did she apparently. So, we just sat there for a while, getting cold. Or perhaps we were waiting for the other person to say something. Eventually I stood up, trying to push down that urge to run away quickly rising in my body again. “W…Well…I’m getting cold out here, and I…” I took a deep breath. Even more than my daughters, Veldi had suffered a very specific form of negligence from me. Worse than not being a father in a fulfilling sense, I was much worse towards Veldi. I took the role of an abusive father towards her. Speaking these words was like a spike in my throat made up of my guilt. Could I really make anything right with her? Or anyone? The power to decide that is not in my control. That is what terrifies me. I do not get to choose for any of them in this scenario. “…I want you to be here. Not for work either. Lets just enjoy the day, its been…a year.” I rub the back of my head awkwardly, but Veldi down not respond, looking straight ahead with a deadpan expression. I suppose that’s a no then. “I turn to leave her, but something keeps me planted there like a tree. There had to be something else I could do. Anything. How could I show my sincerity? How could I…and then it hit me. The one word I’d never said to her. The word I hardly ever say to anyone. I turned my head, taking a deep breath, and gambled everything on a single utterance. “…Please?” There was no response, but the cigar did drop from her mouth into the snow. She did not move however and continued to stare off into the distance. It was foolish of me to believe that I could just undo everything with a single conversation. I entered the house, but when I moved to close the door, I found her hand blocking the doorway, stopping me from closing her out. “…. Better have some godsdamned roast an’ booze you fucking footstool.” All of Onini’s liquor is going to melt into dust. I suppose this is my last evening alive. I suppose it will be worth it. End **OOC NOTE** //That is it from me. I hope you have a happy Starlight and that your new year is even better. Its been a wild ass year and honestly way too many things have happened but thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully you enjoyed it. Also press F to pay respects for Eli’s incoming doom.// ---- [[Start|Home]] --> [[Character Profiles and Collections|Character Profiles]] --> [[Eligor]] --- [[Veldi]] --- [[Raziel]] --- [[P'Lami]]