Can't Be Gone - 01/28/21


Blue had no plans, no ideas, her mind a complete blank aside from one single thought.

She has to be here.

The Xaela packed her bag with medical supplies and rations and wasted no time in leaving the camp in a hurry. Claws rattled at Blue's sides as she scrambled over terrain, looking and searching for any sign as to where Veldi had gone. It didn't matter if she didn't find a sign, the distressed lizard was going to scour every ilm for her regardless of where it happened to be.


Lami noticed her absence, and knew it was a mater of time before Blue would take off. She was prepared, applying her precious glamour she took off out into the field yelling into her link pearl.”Hey! IDIOT. Where the fuck are you going?”


Blue felt a drumming in the back of her head that felt louder than any of the gunfire going on around her. The Xaela clenched her fists, and continued toward the foot bridge from where she and Eligor had spoken a few days ago.

That was when she heard Lami yelling into her ear and Blue stopped to hold the pearl a little bit further away as she answered.

“Gonna follow Eligor's tracks. Then I'm gonna guess where he went. I know Veldi will be at the end. And if she's not there I'm just gonna look through this whole stupid warzone till I do!”

Blue could see the bridge now. The body Eligor had crumpled up nearby was no longer there, as expected, but in its place was a single magitek. It was a spider-like machine, an angular head perched upon a tripod of legs that clicked and clacked. A singular lens scanned the battlefield nearby.

Blue could have just gone around it.

Instead she screamed and ran at it head-on, whipping out her claws and dashing in to dance underneath the spindly legs, jutting her talons up to try and tear one of them off completely.

The spider magitek noticed the Xaela as she ran in, red eye glowing briefly. It was more agile than it looked and skittered back from harm, lifting one sharp-edged leg up to smack Blue away and to the ground.

It's my fault.
I could have warned Veldi he was coming.
I could have tried to delay him somehow..

Blue scrambled to her feet, flexing her fingers within the grips of her claws before pointing one of them out at the mechanical monstrosity accusingly.


She growled and dashed at the spider again, this time attempting to climb atop one of its spindly appendages in order to thrust the points of her claws right into its red blinking eye.

With a mechanical screech, Blue's claws break through the lens of the creature, spearing through the sensors and wiring that controlled its legs.

Even if it knew, it wouldn't have told me anyway.

The magitek spider collapses in on itself and Blue continues onto the foot bridge, dropping to her knees and trying to make out where she thought the lalafell would have gone from there.


Lami kept going “What madness has possessed you?!? What good will you looking do? Do you want to end up as a chunk of charred meat?” Lami kept running”And you do know we are on a mission to NOT make ourselves noticed, right?!?”


Blue dipped down and sniffed, claws idly scraping across the wooden planks. Au Ri didn't have the sense of smell her canine form did, much to her dismay and she looked around wondering if she could just change…really quick. Get a trace of something. Yes it had rained but surely there would be a trail..

But someone could be watching. Always watching.

Lami would be able to hear the little Xaela as she shouted out, “Anyone out there? Anybody out there following me?!?!” She growled and stabbed one claw into the weathered wood, using it to hoist herself up.

Only then does she answer Lami and begin bounding in the direction of the second camp, more importantly for what lay beyond.

“Would be stranger if the sister of a well known medic who just disappeared didn't do anything at all! I'm not going to wait in camp when I don't know what has happened!”

The subject changed abruptly.

“Have you seen Eligor?”


Lami was there, but blue would probably not know it. A raven haired Hyur would be standing behind her on the bridge from the direction of camp. Striding toward her looking something furious.

She stopped a few feet from her glaring. “Even if I had. With the way you are now there is not a chance I’d tell you. Your going to get yourself killed. Get ahold of yourself. There is a good chance she’s running an op of some kind. Or even if she’s not. What are you going to do?”

Folding her arms over her chest. Looking furious at the moment.”Or do you think Veldi is helpless without you holding her hand?” Tapping her finger on her arm. “It won’t do Veldi, or you any good as you are now. Screaming at the top of your lungs at someone that could be following you is proof of that.”


Blue flicked an earfin and twirled around upon hearing the familiar voice of Lami, who was now a Hyur. Straight up confusion crosses Blue's face and she raised her claws up defensively.

Thankfully Lami's voice was familiar enough for the girl to recognize and she slowly lowered her arms.

While normally Blue cowered at the sight of anyone furious with her, it was clear that something was different this time. She glared back at Lami and retorted,

“I don't care if I die. I shouldn't have let him…. I think she's in trouble. Give me proof that she's not and I'll go back to camp.”

Even before Lami would get a chance to answer, Blue darted off again, clearly determined to keep to her course.


Lami would dart off after her. “Don’t ignore the question! And you don’t care?! You have people at home damnit. Why are so insistent on making others suffer your loss?! Veldi isn’t the only one in your life damnit.”

She was keeping pace with Blue, before growling out”And with Eligor with her, she’s not in any danger… that you or I could possibly help with. You’d just end up fodder… I’m not saying it’s easy but at least consider your husband back home when you say something so selfish.”

Lami was not pulling her punches as she couldn’t believe how slanted the Xaela had gone so quickly.


Blue would keep racing away, surprisingly quick even before she'd begun training with Lami but skid to a halt upon her words. They had by this point almost made it to the second camp- beyond that were the ruins.

“I'm selfish? Why? Because I want to make sure Veldi isn't in a ditch somewhere? What is wrong with you?” The Xaela was just as incredulous.

“Dying is a fact. It's going to happen. My friends and Tret would suffer from my dying regardless of how it is done or where or if it's several years from now or in just a few minutes.”

And yet her answer rang hollow as if she wasn't convincing herself very well of it either.

“Look. If you were out here needing help, I'd do the same for you. You think it's suicide just to look for someone out here? It's suicide just being out here and we've already done that. May as well keep going.”


Lami would grab her by the shoulders “Never. EVER. Do something like this for me. If I pass on and you end up right behind me I’d never rest peacefully. I know for damned certain I am not worth anyone’s life”

She quickly sneered “And don’t give me such a hollow excuse. Running out, into a war zone where you could get blown to bits with such a frantic head for such a crazy reason is stupid. Coming out here with a clear head and a clear purpose is far different then screaming and yelling and wildly flailing about is not going to do anything but give the enemy another body to count amongst their kills. I thought I was teaching you to survive these kinds of things. Not throw yourself away so easily.”

She finished her rant while her grip on Blues shoulders only tightened. “You think that would be good for them? To know this is how you felt about their feelings? You just threw yourself away because your “Just going to die anyway, so what’s the difference between now and later? “what the FUCK is wrong with you?”

Lami was shaking she was so enraged. Normally this is the point she’d start beating on the person in question but doing so now held no purpose.


Blue was grabbed by the shoulders and shaking nearly as much, her fingers squeezing around the claws that were held limply at her sides. The drumming at the back of her head was growing louder and the Xaela tensed, feeling a hot ripple of anger that she should be stopped from doing what she wanted to do. Lami didn't know what she could do, Lami didn't know that Blue could tear this whole place apart looking for Veldi if she wanted and she was just barely holding back that urge by the thinnest of threads, trying so hard to be good.

She didn't even know how to respond to the cat, staring blankly at Lami's sneering face throughout the entirety of her rant up until she finished, when Blue finally looked away and closed her eyes.

”..Why can't you let me do this?”

“All of you, You and Veldi and others, you all don't think your worth it, that nobody's life is worth yours.”

“You're wrong.”

“I don't have a death wish. I am angry. I am upset. And I am determined to find Veldi. If I've made mistakes doing that, then I'm sorry, I'll do better. But I can't just stop.”


Kanu paused for awhile. “Because. From where I’m sitting, your hearts far better then mine. I can’t speak for the others. But I can say this, I’m a wretched excuse for a person. I’ve done things in the past that deserve nothing short of a one way trip to the gallows. Yet for some fucked up reason my past hasn’t caught me yet.”

She stopped there. “But I’m not here to talk about me. What I can say for the others is no one wants a friend to sacrifice themselves for their sake. No one. And if they do they ain’t worth your time or yer emotional effort, I can’t let you do this simply because you, nor me. Know what’s truly going on. I’d know if Veldi was dead…. better then you’d know. Call it a thread that binds us in a way you wouldn’t understand. I’m fairly confident in this and if I am wrong feel free to throw me in the ditch with her.”


Blue shuddered and trembled as she listened before dropping her claws with a clatter and brought her hands to her face. The girl shook her head violently before downright sobbing.

“I can't do anything.” “I can't help anyone.” “I can't help Veldi.” “And everyone's going to go away.” “That's worse than death.”


Lami paused for a moment before moving to try and give Blue a hug, hoping a well placed shell wasn’t going to make an untimely appearance. If Blue allowed it, she’d gentle rub the back of her head. Speaking after abit.”I know… it’s frustrating. Fighting things off isn’t the only way to help people you know. I’m sure just being here helped lift Veldi’s spirits…and you can. With some practice and a healthy added bit of discipline. Need a clear mind to help people. Can’t get so frantic and maul things without reason….” after letting Blue cry abit more she’d add.”Hey. I’m not going. Anywhere. Rude. I didn’t say I was going to leave did I?”


Luckily for both Lami and Blue, there would not be a very unfortunate shell ruining the bonding moment.

Blue accepted the hug though it did little to stop her from crying her eyes out, earfins flattening against her head at the rubs as she trembled.

“It isn't but it seems like the only way that really matters. What are we even doing here if not fighting the bad people, the only way this thing, this mission, this war, even ends?”

The Xarla hiccuped and leaned into Lami.

“No…you didn't…n' I hope you're not ever gonna leave.”


Lami gave Blue a few good pats in the back between her shoulder blades.

Allowing Blue the time she needed to collect herself before she let her go,”It’s how we fight. Not the fact we fight. “ she would scratch at her forehead abit.”For example. An army is only as strong as its supply of food… or how well it’s soldiers are fed. Even how proficient their medical staff is. Without either of these things you could be the best outfitted army in the world and you’d still fall quickly to a lesser force with greater support. Gathering intel. Collecting resources are just as important if not more so then fighting on the front line.”

Nodding abit not exactly fond of her response but it was the best she could come up with.”So, let’s head back to camp for now, and think of a way that we can find Veldi that doesn’t involve becoming corpses for a cause that really is on. The back burner for you. Ya?”


When Lami let her go, Blue would drop down and pluck up her claws, securing them to her waist as she listened.

“I know what you mean. I just..” Blue shook her head and stared down at the ground. “What I do, how I help, it might never be enough.”

The anger had seemed to recede from the Xaela's mind after all of the emotional baggage was pulled out of her and Blue was more compliant as a result, nodding meekly at Lami's suggestion to head back to camp. She stared out in the direction she'd wanted to go and bit her lip.

`Please, please be okay. I'm not going to be able to take it if you're not.`



In the distance near a trench, a familiar figure would have appeared–seemingly as if birthed from a glut of shadows.

Even from a distance, one could see how her attire was torn to shreds and smoke puffed out of the remnants as if they'd barely survived a fire. She wandered about in a stumbling gait, dragging the ominously glowing blade in the dirt with her as she went. Whatever had occurred, she seemed to be quite tired. She hunched over even as she walked as if she might pass out at any moment.


Lami looked out and pointed. “WELL. NEVERMIND.”She took off towards the figure. Knowing Blue wasn’t going to wait long herself. “Seems my string tells no lies thus far.”


Blue looked out to where Lami pointed, tear stricken eyes widening in recognition and needing no encouragement in darting towards the smoking figure.

It was when she drew near that she examined her sister properly, paying little heed to the glowing blade. Instead, Blue ducked her head under Veldi's arm to act as something extra to lean on and struggled to find any words to say and trying even harder not to cry.

“Veldi..” was really all she managed to murmur out quietly, trying to guide her down into the trench which was likely safer considering everything else going on around them.


Lami would take her other arm. “Hello. New face same bitch.” She’d say quickly but that was all.


Veldi's tired state gave way to that of a vicious creature, slashing at whatever came near her with a blinding speed. Something in her eyes obviously recognized her current company however, and her blade stopped ilms from Blue's cheek, her other hand quickly moving to blast Lami in the face with a burst of aether from her palm

With a limbs protesting with a series of loud pops in response, Veldi lowered her arms and made the attempt at standing up straight, running a hand through her hair to check her location. She was covered from head to toe in what appeared to be viscera and assorted shades of deep red.

Despite recognizing her company, Veldi's eyes seemed to be staring past them into the ground. Her gaze was cold and lifeless.


Blue didn't so much as flinch when the blade was drawn against her and stopped so close to her face. Her expression briefly flickered to that of confusion, but then went right back to concern.

She twisted around and rummaged in her pack, pulling out two bottles of water. Bringing up the first to her mouth to chomp down on the bottle cap, she unscrewed the cap from the second and proceeded to dump the water over Veldi's head and face.


She did not blink during the entire process, keeping her sleepless stare on Blue and Lami both.

”…..Why are you here?”


Blue set the now empty bottle in her bag and dropped the first into one hand, which she offered out to Veldi.

“We were looking for you.” The girl said simply.

“Are you hurt anywhere or just messy?”


“Why are you looking for me?”

Her tone is short and suspicious.


“Because you are my sister.”

Her voice is breaking in some places.


“And? This place may be quiet, but it is not safe.”


Lami sighed.”She got all flustered and ran off after you, I had planned to bring her back but you happened to pop up.”


“And soon as you move, we'll all go someplace safe.”

She stares at the untaken bottle of water briefly before uncapping it and dowsing Veldi again.


“I can move just fine, so go on without me.”



Blue pulled out a white towel from her pack and would make an honest attempt at cleaning the viscera off of the woman.


“Right, cause you'll just do whatever you want, right?”

She smacked Blue's hand away.

“Doesn't matter what it is, as long as you all get what you want.”


Blue looked hurt at both the words and being smacked away. She dropped the towel and took a step back.

“I'm doing what I feel is right.”



She slashes at the air.

“At what cost?”

“You came out here for a corpse.”


Lami raised a hand but she stopped. Having already given Blue a scolding over it all she figured she’d let Veldi have her fair turn… but she did however say one thing.”Can we do this scolding on the go? I don’t like standing here anymore then you do.”


Blue was starting to shake.

“You're MORE than alive to me. And ANY cost is worth it to get you out of here.”


Veldi looked to Lami.

“Then leave. It's what you're good at.”

Her gaze returned to Blue, still cold and dead.

“Then it ain't whats best, its what YOU want.”


“How do you know what's best?”

“You act like there's one right answer where everything else must have been wrong.”

“Yeah, I WANT to be here. Because I WANT to support you. And I WANT to help you. And I WANT to be around. You're right, it probably isn't best. But it is enough to me.”


“I've heard about you both.”

She swings her sword at empty air, producing a wave of blackened aether that cuts into the ground, seemingly digging deeper before fizzling out, causing her to stagger until she drove her sword into the ground for support.

“Getting followed out of camp. Running away from traps you walked into after I EXPLICITLY warned you not to go somewhere.”

“It's all supposed to be alright because I'm cared for? What rot. How many more people do I have to see die over something like that?”


Lami shrugged “Considering im wearing a hyurs face right now? I’m not worried about such things.”

“and fuck off. You don’t know a thing about me then.”


“At least your brother aint a bitch on top of bein' dumb as smashed shite.”


“I’ll take that as a compliment coming from the source.”


Blue shook her head and began to pace anxiously.

“How many more people do I have to see die like that? Like this? People being blown up and shot down, walking on traps and getting into friendly fire? Watching people's lives fade away and not being able to do anything about it?”

“No, it's not alright. It's never alright.”

“But the caring doesn't stop just because you want it to or you think you'll be better off. I can't turn it off and I don't know why you expect me to.”


“If you cant care about yourself then your care is wasted.”


“I listened to your instructions. I stayed in that camp until I was asked to leave.”

“I stayed in that very camp and waited around not knowing you'd gone missing until some of a search party thought they should tell me and make it sound like you might be dead.”

“And then I couldn't wait no more. So I'm sorry if I disappointed you.”


“Then just let me be dead!”

“I. Am. A. Monster.”

She looked at her sword radiating in her hand and slashed at nothing, causing it to melt into her skin. “It wont change a damn thing for you if I'm gone, alright? You'll still have people. You still do. Running around, having them give me fucking messages or whatever else–get it in your head that if I'm dead, you runnin' out here to join me ain't doin' anything but have other dumbasses that care about you run after you to try to drag you out of whatever YOU just brought them to!”

She points at Lami.

“The bitch ain't out here for me! She's here for you. Now what are you gonna say if she gets splattered in the dirt?”

She leans back, adopting a goofy expression that came off even more terrible due to her very apparent exhaustion.

“Well I just wanted to find your maggot ridden corpse! Its not my fault that they cared about me caring!”


Blue twitches and suddenly cannot control herself, launching herself at Veldi with the express purpose of knocking her to the ground.


Veldi cannot exactly resist, especially with her blade put away.

“If you're gonna kill me get it over with. I already know about it.”


Lami didn’t move to interfere, but she did give Veldi a questioning look as to what exactly this “It” was.


Blue who is very clearly not trying to kill her, straddled the woman instead and beats at her chest with her curled fists.

“We talked about monsters, remember? 'What's so bad about being a monster anyway?' you said to me. 'It's about intent and what you do.' You told me.”

“And I'm aware, believe me, of how many people do not want me to be here. No, I don't want Lami to die out here because of me. I make a bunch of stupid mistakes that endanger people and I'm trying to get better. But you cannot control what other people will do. I didn't ask Lami to come with me like you didn't ask me to come here. We make our own choices and know what comes with that choice.”

Blue sighed and stopped the beatings. “You're not a corpse. And if you are, then I guess I'm going to have to drag you out of this war so you can live again.”


Veldi did not seem to necessarily be reacting to the pain of getting hit, but rather stopping her arm from reproducing the blade.

“I've already done something monstrous though. It's not just about being a monster. I acted like one too.”

“And I'll only get worse. I'll end up just the same.”


Blue stared over at Lami, squinting. Maybe it was all going to sound nonsensical to her.

“I have too. I've been that dark thing and let it act and…it wasn't good. But it felt good, almost like you were free from everything else that mattered and could do anything you wanted.”

“I can only accept that it's there and that sometimes I might not be strong enough to resist it.”

“But I think you're strong n' I believe in you. You are made up of more than what's in your blood.” She shrugged, tail wagging slowly.


Veldi closed her eyes for a long time, rolling them slowly after reaching for a cigar that she knew wasnt there.

“Fine. We got somewhere to hit tomorrow.”

“Found an entrance at those ruins. Might as well grab Ko if we can and get in there. If I'm right it'll stop production of the drug out here.”


Blue reached over and squeezed Veldi's shoulder affectionately before getting off her and offering a hand.

She flicked her ears at the bout of information.

“Oh…that was quick. I hope that's the case.”


She took the hand, sitting up quietly.

“Look, I'm still not going back with you. Aint what you're thinkin' though. I'm uh….”

“Just not going back to camp dressed like this. I'll go change and get something to eat, and see you all tomorrow. Easy enough?”


Blue gave Veldi a blank stare, seemingly seeing nothing wrong with having a chargrilled viscera-covered semblance of a being enter any camp, so she hesitated. But she was also spent herself, having used up all the words and all the emotions all in one go, so the Xaela simply nodded and smiled softly.

“Okay….see you…”

She still didn't move, clearly not wanting to leave in the first place but by some means or another she'd chance one more worried glance in Veldi's direction before slowly making her way back the way they had come.


Lami followed after. Giving Blue a look as if she was more confused then she was before. But she decided to just keep quiet. Before turning around. “Oh, by the way in Kira in this form… don’t ask about the name I kinda had to make it up when I ran into some of those drug fools. Doman decent.” Waving at Veldi as she followed Blue saying this loud enough for her to hear.


Veldi didn’t bother replying, trying to will herself to teleport only to notice that the method had changed. She was consumed by shadows before fading from view.

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