[Novine]

Novine was standing outside the house, having pulled a chair from inside under one of the window panes. She was stood atop it, looking at her own face's completely blank expression. The curtains behind the window were closed to ensure her reflection was as vivid as possible. She tilted her head back and forth, examining her face from various different angles.

[P'lami]

Somewhat suddenly, a red headed miqo’te skipped along until she caught sight of Novine, closing in suddenly and leaning in.

“Hi!”

[Novine]

Novine looked at P'lami's reflection with her blank stare, her hands that leaned against the sill outside clutching onto it rather hard, as if expending some kind of effort.

“Hello,” she says in as neutral a voice as possible, sounding a bit like she was putting on some kind of air of importance, like a child trying to act like an adult. “What are you doing?”

[P'lami]

“Just thought I’d come and clean up a bit. Maybe practice my jumps. You?”

[Novine]

Novine sighs and gives up, her face contorting into a pained look of irritation, frustration, and failure. She lets out a breath as if she has been holding one in for quite some time. “Trying to do this stupid stuff Father asked me to do and wondering if I'm going insane. You know, the usual.” She slumps her shoulders and a weak kick at the wall of the house.

[P'lami]

She taps her lip a bit before sitting on the ground, leaning from side to side while her tail sways in the opposite direction.

“Not really. What’d he ask you to do?”

[Novine]

Novine drops in huff down onto the chair she was standing on, sitting cross-legged in it and talking animatedly with her arms. “Well, so I'm supposed to help run the college or whatever it is now, and he keeps saying I need to do all this stuff to be a good leader. He says I've gotta be able to do stuff like put on make-up and look like a guy, and have a bunch of aliases, and be able to hide how I'm really feeling so I can like… I guess be whoever I need to be.” She pauses a moment and then narrows her expression into one of extra annoyance. “Oh! And he called me a plant!”

[P'lami]

The girl seemed to go a bit glassy eyed during the rant but snapped back to attention at the end, shaking her head a bit.

“Well if you don’t want to do it, just tell him. He made us study a lot all the time at first, but when I said I don’t want to anymore he let me do whatever I wanted.”

[Novine]

“I kept asking him to help him with stuff though 'cause it seems like he's doing a lot by himself. So he gave me this to do but… I dunno, it's harder than I thought it'd be.” She leans back in the chair and stretches her feet out before her, wiggling them back and forth idly. “I dunno if this makes sense to you but… D'you ever have trouble knowing like… which bits of you are you?”

[P'lami]

Suddenly, her eyes seem to focus, the skits of her pupils seemingly tightening a bit.

“You’re always yourself even when it feels not so. People have this internal conflict always, questioning themselves, feeling that something is wrong. Off. But these misplaced pieces of the puzzle were never you, they were the role you thought were you. The things you do and feel—the things we all are deep within ourselves—those things are real, and wholly separate from everyone else. Even if they bring you shame, your true thoughts and feelings are not shameful. If you cannot remove the mask with even your family, then when can you? We would all break otherwise.”

Her face softens, and a goofy smile replaces her previously stern and tight expression. She continues to sway from side to side.

“If you’re serious like father all the time you’ll end up being a grump just like him.”

[Novine]

Novine listens, looking up vaguely at some clouds, her brow furrowing a bit as she tries to make sense of everything she is saying. “Well yeah, I don't wanna be that. But I feel like that's what he's asking me to do lately. Like he thinks that leading has to be the same way he did it, and… I dunno, I think there's probably a better way to do it.” She looks back down at Lami. “But wait, what's the whole mask thing about? I'm pretty honest most of the time. It's not like I'm running around hiding a ton of stuff just… I mean, it's been weird lately I guess.”

[P'lami]

“You’re hiding from father aren’t you?”

[Novine]

“Well… not really. I'm not avoiding him. Just… I don't wanna talk about this with him yet.”

[P'lami]

“Bonslette does it all the time. He tells her not to run off with the pier boy again and she just avoids him. It’s alright, he might even know how you feel already.”

[Novine]

“Yeah, he probably does,” she says with a sigh. “He's just… I dunno, he's always saying I'm flawed and weak and stuff. I keep doing stuff to try and… I dunno, make him notice or change his mind. Like he expects things so I try and be better but now I don't even know what I want anymore. It's all just become this weird mission to make him look at me differently.”

[P'lami]

“How do you know he hasn’t?”

[Novine]

Novine shrugs. “I don't, but… I feel like if I stop, he'll stop. If he's looking then I can feel like he's still doing okay.”

[P'lami]

She raised her eyebrow.

“So you’re worried about him, not bored?”

[Novine]

“Yeah. I'm only doing all this stuff cause I want to help him.” She grins a bit. “Most of it is boring though.”

[P'lami]

“Why are you worried about him though? It’s not like he’s fighting anyone right now right?”

“He always says he’s just doing paperwork when we ask.”

[Novine]

Novine looks at Lami and wonders how much she knows, or how much she should know if she doesn't. She makes the calculations in her mind as she states at her for a moment, silent.

“Do you think he's been acting weirdly at all?”

[P'lami]

“He’s always weird. But at least he’s not hurting people anymore. Well..most of the time. Just the other day there was this stupid boy….but I guess that’d be boring.”

[Novine]

“I guess… But what if… What if, say, something's happening in his mind, you know? Kinda like me. I feel a bit lost and I think something's happening to him that's like that. I'm scared he's not gonna be himself anymore soon.”

[P'lami]

“Have you talked to our big sis about it?”

[Novine]

“Yeah. A bit… I know what's happening but… I don't like it. I hate watching it.” She wraps her arms around herself, pulling her legs in to her chest.

[P'lami]

“You’re too serious. If it hurts, don’t do it. Nothing wrong with not looking you know?”

[Novine]

“There's plenty wrong with that,” she says with an offended scowl. “Look, I can have fun all I want, but ignoring the truth of stuff is a quick way to get to a bad end.”

[P'lami]

“So being unhappy now is better than being unhappy later?”

“Are you not choosing both right this very moment?”

[Novine]

“I'm chosing to be realistic, and yeah, sometimes that sucks. Have *you* talked to big sis about it? Do you even know what you're ignoring?”

[P'lami]

“I know that nothing we do will help! But that’s life! THAT is reality! He doesn’t want us to be him—we all know it! How many times are we going to drag him back when he’s ready to go? If he can’t fix the problem, what can I do? Or you? Or even our our eldest? I’m aware enough of my role and what I can do. Trying in vain is not a valiant attempt—it’s just us, being selfish. Wanting to change what is coming when none of us even know what that is!”

She takes a deep breath and runs a hand through her hair before her dopey smile returns.

“We just need to relax, and do what we can. Be who we are, you know? Seems like the happiest option.”

[Novine]

Novine hides her face in the space between her chest and her knees, blonde braided hair taking the place of lavender eyes. Her muffled voice sounds out after a moment.

“I don't even know how to do that right anymore…”

[P'lami]

“You’ll go crazy at this rate.”

[Novine]

“I know,” she says simply, a little sigh following that utterance. “I dunno if this makes any sense to you… But that blue-haired woman came by the college and yelled at me to not live her life just cause I went and talked to some people I know from our shared memories. I just… I dunno, I wanted to see people I saw as friends I guess. Just being myself. Or I thought I was anyway.”

[P'lami]

“Then kill her.”

This was by far the coldest thing she had uttered so far, but her tone was nonchalant. She seemed altogether unshaken by the idea of death.

“Why does this person need to be around?”

[Novine]

Novine doesn't seem to shocked about the suggestion. But she does sit up and unbury her head. “Well, I guess she doesn't need to be. But by that logic, none of us do. I came from her, so I guess it feels weird 'cause… Cause I *was* her once.” She pauses. “I guess it's like Father. I want her to look at me. To see me and… And acknowledge I'm the better one between us.”

[P'lami]

“Our moms abandoned us too. Well, except for little Beleth but in a way that’s worse.”

[Novine]

Novine wrinkles her nose. “She's not my mom… I mean, maybe in a super abstract way, but… Bleh.” She shudders.

[P'lami]

“The key is to….get over it. They are being them and you can’t MAKE them change. You can try, but unless it’s in them in the first place….I’m sorry. Ignore that. I think I’m just..”

She lowers her ears, sadness briefly coloring her features.

“New idea! What exactly are you finding hard again?”

[Novine]

Novine raises her own brows at that reset, but leaves it alone.

“I don't know what in me is me, and what in me is 'cause of her. Father always tries to make sure I'm seeing myself as a different person but… I dunno where to draw the line. And if we are different, then how much of me did she get to decide, and should I then change that stuff? And now with Father wanting me to do all these aliases, I just… I don't even know where I am in all this mess. That's the hard part. Knowing who I go back to when I just… Wanna be Novine.”

[P'lami]

“Then take a break. Did he say he needs you to finish these things soon?”

[Novine]

“No… Just, I got the feeling he wanted to see progress by the next lesson.” She shifts a little. “But the thing he said about me being a plant was 'cause he says I'll take a really long time to grow. I thought I should maybe speed things up.”

[P'lami]

“Well at least you get to see him more I guess.”

She stands up slowly before stretching in place.

“I think it’s just better not to worry about it too much. I had a similar problem before and uh….trying HARDER didn’t help. I was supposed to learn my limits instead and remain aware of them.”

[Novine]

“Well, I'll try that, I guess. Never really been a fan of limits but… I guess I can't ignore they exist.”

[P'lami]

“How’d you meet him anyway?”

[Novine]

“Father? I felt his aether 'cause I was close to it for a long time, so I just kinda… Followed it til it led me to the college.”

[P'lami]

The girl blinked, not sure how to respond.

“No orphanage?”

[Novine]

“No, it's… A bit of a long story. I was alone for a really long time, taking care of myself, you could say. I was supervised by someone, but they didn't really pay much attention to me.”

[P'lami]

“Sounds close enough really.”

[Novine]

“Maybe in theory, but not really in practice. Why?”

[P'lami]

“Was just wondering. Takes a while to share the stories you know?”

[Novine]

“Oh… Well, I can tell you the whole thing if you want. It's weird though.”

[P'lami]

“You’re weird.”

[Novine]

Novine laughs, feeling a bit better seemingly, hopping off the chair and lifting it to move it back inside, clearly done with whatever exercises she was performing earlier. “I like being weird!”

[P'lami]

“Well I’ll listen to your story. I can do it while I clean!”

[Novine]

“M'not used to being the storyteller, but sure! Can you get the door?”

Novine holds the chair and waits, hefting it and adjusting her grip.

[P'lami]

She opens the door for Novine, icly looking off to the distance with a smile.

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