Ishgardian's Anonymous - 03/23/20
[Gair]
In the wake of the tavern's rather successful night of consistent patronage, Gair had departed to sate his hunger on something that wasn't leftover cafe food. He announces his presence at the front door with a heavy rap of his knuckles that rattles the frame, his other hand bearing a steaming basket of degeneracy: fish and chips. His tired features scrunch up and he lets out a powerful yawn moments later as he waits.
[Luna]
There is a minute before the door unlocks and opens before the man, Luna standing at the door, sword visibly placed on the host's desk. Her face lights up in minor shock. “Oh, Gair. I'm surprised to see you back tonight. Please.” she offers, backing up and grabbing the sword to return it. “I see you have attained your dinner, I need not offer to cook for you.” She closes the doors behind the man as he enters, locking them.
[Gair]
“I'll be in the neighborhood for a few nights, got a contract with the Yellow Jackets for the odd patrol 'round town.” Gair explains to Luna as he steps in to the house, his left hand working the buckle undone on his sword belt. Freeing the weapon and it's scabbard from his form. “All the companies are shorthanded these days, even the Brass Blades are thirsting for new blood. Though most anyone whose able bodied is on the frontlines these days.”
[Luna]
“Are you wishing to take bunk? I have some spare beds, but you will have to be careful not to disturb young Miss Lucatiel.” she offers, walking over to one of the sofas in the main floor and sitting down. Despite it being late, her hair was still tied up neatly in a bun, ever held by decorate sword pins. “I am not surprised, surely the recent conflicts have depleted their manpower considerably. I do hope you are not going to try and convince me to add my sword to theirs?” she asks, scoffing a bit. “The Brass Blades are private, are they not? They seem to be deployed more for personal gain than peacekeeping. Practically villainous.”
[Gair]
“What with the rumors of new Warmachina in the north, everyone needs a hand these days” Gair laments and meanders over toward the couch. Plopping his delicious basket of fish and chips down on the table. “You wouldn't survive a patrol out in Thanalan anyway, besides- you got that fancy Knight pay and your tavern. You're set for gil.”
[Luna]
“Oh come off it.” She says, feigning protest. “How well do you think they pay us then? I could stand to renovate the upstairs, surely a few hundred thousand gil for that alone! Put in a proper guest room. The young Miss comes by enough that it would be almost improper not to.” She eyes the man curiously for a moment. “So what truly brings you by? It is not oft you make a purely social call upon mine door.”
[Gair]
Gair's shoulders lift into a shrug, evidently no ulterior motive behind his words. “I've just picked up extra work out this way is all and I'd rather steal your couch and let Gust graze on your lawn.” After a pause, he asks. “And yourself? Feeling any better after that whiskey and mint lasse?”
[Luna]
“Very well, it is not an unpleasant visit.” She reasons, looking at him as he mentions whiskey. “Oh, Halone. I wish to never drink that swill again. I can still taste the burn of it all. You are free to it all next we drink.” Her face contorts into one of disgust, repulsed by even the thought of more of that vile brew.
[Gair]
“Even if that night was a shitshow, I find that getting a bit much and getting real sick is what'll keep you off of it for a while,” Gair's chest rumbles in a laugh, his offhand propping up the long sabre against the table. His tone sarcastic, “You're welcome.”
[Luna]
“I suppose I should thank you then.” she says with her own laugh. “You know, it must have been quite some time since I got *that* inebriated. Surely not in… years.” she says, pondering out loud as her hand goes up to her chin. “Even that night at the bar with Sir Cerebus, it was not nearly so potent.” she explains, suddenly adding, “But the hot spring nights! That was quite intoxicating! But it was the mixture of heat and brew, so surely it does not count!”
[Gair]
“I still remember ad-libbing a play with Hanako in the sauna, that was.. fun.” Gair admits with a nostalgic tone. “It's been some time since I've seen her, I hope that dumb girl is well somewhere.” After a pause, his shoulders lift into a shrug, “You really have nothing to thank me for, considering I made that situation worse before a little popoto chewed my head off.”
[Luna]
Luna looks at the man, completely baffled. “Oh, i have not perchanced a thought of Miss Hanako for quite some time! You performed a play in that sauna? My word, I wish I had been up there to see it!” she says with a smile. “You did nothing wrong, I was the one that pushed to go drink. Miss Ianana was a bit misguided.” she says, looking a bit peeved on his behalf. After a few moments, she exhales. “Gair, what am I going to do? I am getting worse, and it feels like no one can help me with this. No one is equipped to handle it.” she asks slowly, obviously not expecting him to know.
[Gair]
“No, we just.. I don't know, played at improvising lines for one. It was a bit of fun now that I look back on it,” The mention of Ianana brings a grin to Gair's lips, he just shakes his head. The question levelled to him almost exactly the same one they sought to answer in the Coffin and Coffer a week hence. “If you're getting worse, so'se the rest of the world,” he offers plainly with a lift of his shoulders. “Drink'll just make you fatter and slower.”
[Luna]
“The rest of the world matters not to myself, Gair. It may descend headlong into the gaping maw of the abyss. It is MY job to protect people while it does. And now…” she breathes in and then out, putting her face in her hands as she voice descends into sorrow, allowing her vulnerability amidst the only person she felt she could truly trust. “And now… I feel the clutches of shadow, prying at my mind and soul unfettered. I feel the malfested call of what I once cloistered myself from. I resist as much as I am able, but I fear my strength wanes.” She looks up at Gair, a few strands of hair frizzed out from her bun and draping across her face, her expression one of deep worry and a breaking will. “I know not what to do, Gair…”
[Luna]
Gair exhales a long breath and shakes his head, not quite knowing what to tell Luna. Disbelief was writ upon his features that this was the line of conversation they were having. *Please let this be some sort of joke…but she was bound to bloom some day.* “To err on the side of caution, lass, you do mean desires of the flesh, aye?” Monetarist social tact must finally be rubbing off on him, a particular lalafel might even applaud him for not wielding his words like a club.
[Luna]
The woman exhales for several seconds, clearly uneager to divulge. “I… I do not know. I hear folk speak of such desires so freely as if it is normal. As if… As if I am the wrong one. For so long I have viewed it as something… sinful. That it is something for weaker minds….” she looks up at Gair, her normally stone-face now sporting a tortured look. “It must be sinful! Which makes me a sinner!” she says, her tone carrying self-directed anger. “Why else would i have enjoyed Sir Lafont when–” she suddenly clasps her hands across her mouth as if the words themselves had wounded her. Her eyes immediately begin to well up. “No… That's…” she says through her hands.
[Gair]
“Look, Luna, I don't know what the Twelve truly consider to be sin or no, be it something like lovemaking?” Gair poses the question with the intention to answer it subsequently, his leathery mitt of a hand gestures vaguely toward his sabre. “If it's between fucking and killing, I'd say fucking is the less sinful act. The former brings pleasure and life into the world. The latter, no matter how you dress it up, is an implement of death and destruction. While you can save a life with it, you can never bring about another with a sword.”
[Luna]
Luna lowers her hands for a moment, looking down into them. “There was no pleasure in this love-making. Was there?” she asks herself, not looking up. “There….” she begins as her voice cracks for a moment, “There was. I… I enjoyed it. It felt pleasing, and I… I loved him. But… it was wrong. He did not truly love me. He *used* me. I was but a child! He hurt me when I could not stand on my own… I… Gair?” she begins, looking up at the man. “I do not know… Did I truly love him? My feelings are so conflicted… I felt… I felt good, he *made* me feel good. And I felt so connected.”
[Gair]
Gair was probably the wrong person to talk to about this, he fidgeted awkwardly with the wraps on his hands for a moment. *I think a midwife would advise her better than I about now.* “In a way, you were connected, even if he was using and deceiving you. Some people never escape the lie, others find one to live in. But I've no magic wand to wave and dispel the one you tell yourself, or the one he spun for you.” He gestures with his left now, making a waving motion with his pointer finger, mimicking the somatic component for some spell. “The Warden teaches us that truth is the key to strength in mind, body and spirit. Which sounds like hokey bullshit, but digging down and answering these things about yourself honestly- it will cut deep, it will tell you things about yourself that you hate and despise.”
Gair continues the metaphor, “You will be bringing a tree to flame to watch it burn to see what remains. What is true and solid, do you *even* have a trunk to weather the fire? Or are you an empty, dried up bush?”
[Luna]
The woman thinks on what Gair says for a solid moment. “Then I have already begun the burn. I have had many thoughts of things since I spoke to Miss Pipino about my formative years. Especially yet more recently.” she assures, still struggling a bit with what she said only moments earlier. I am ever the woman I posit to be. Yet perhaps it is time to let go of some notions. Sir Lafont took much of me, this can not be changed. He robbed me of my youthful innocence, and dealt significant damage towards how I understand romance.“ She speaks with conviction, but there is yet still an air of uncertainty and fear about her. She exhales deeply. “I possess the strength and intellect to navigate these issues. They are not long-lost limbs unable to return. I will be victorious over such difficulty.” she states, hoping to convince herself more than Gair. “I am also terrified. Though I may be more than my scars, they run deep. The pain, I fear, I shall never fully escape. I….” she looks at Gair, clearly hesitating. “I can not… bear the weight alone… Would you… aid me?” she says, the last bit taking several seconds to force out of her mouth, clearly paining her to even ask.
[Gair]
“If it'll make you feel any better, I'd bet there's not too much to burn,” Gair offers a thin-lipped smile to her, that finger moving in a rolling motion as he continues. “You won't like everything, it won't be to your standards, you'll call even those into question.” His countenance softens at the her plead for help, this was the last person he'd ever think needed some sort of counsel or aid. *Her idea of aid better not be to lay with her, I will stab her and Khatun both in the fucking face.* “To what extent this dull rock can lend a hand, I'm here, Luna.”
[Luna]
The knightess sighs. “I try to not lie overmuch to myself. There is much that must needs be reduced to cinder of myself but it should not be too much. I do not expect to enjoy the process, but I am not averse to suffering.” she says, breathing heavy for her answer. “Gair… I need you…” she cuts off for a moment, hesitating. After several seconds of clearly difficult internal struggling, she finally continues. “I need you to help me find these… issues. To point them out, to inform me. But more importantly… I need someone who is abreast more of life. I know full well how awkward I am, how… how much of a wreck I am. I need you to help me be… not so much those things.” A sight not soon to be repeated, she looks practically pleading at the man. “You are the man I trust most in this world. I fear that somewhere inside, I am… I am still the frightened young girl that had her…. her purity stolen.”
[Gair]
Gair shifts to one side of the couch to find a more reclined position to sit, his elbow planting into the arm rest. A mixture of the evening's fatigue with his genuine interest find him being uncannily focused on the conversation, tunneling on her countenance alone. “Some strong girl if you can lay me low, then.” He briefly finds a place to inject his own brand(t) of humor. After a pause he can only find himself able to affirm his prior declaration with a nod. The other hand lifting to thumb as his chest firmly. “I'm still a young buck learning shite as well, but if I can impart anything, I'll do it.”
[Luna]
Perhaps due to her company or just a minor comfort of fears, the woman gives a small dry laugh. “I need not your assurance that my strength is not left for wanting.” She pauses now, listening to the man further. “I do not require a wisened sage who knows the entire world and it's intricacies. Just a good friend who can help me. I appreciate your assistance, Gair, and more importantly, I appreciate you. I know I may insult and prod you, but deep down… I am sure you know how much you mean to me. Though I do not say so nearly enough.” she says, looking Gair directly in the eyes, sincerity wrote on her entire being.
[Gair]
“No, but I sure as shit need it. I'll have my work cut out for me if you start wanin' and witherin', woman,” Gair continues his good-natured observations in the most backhanded of ways. He pushed up from the couch and looked toward the stairs that would lead to rest proper. Definitely not the kind of man to pile on affirmations, such things were better expressed through deed by his estimation. All the same, he plucked up his sabre and headed for bed. Compelled to speak his peace one more time before he rests. “I've known for some time that not all of my sisters have long ears and bushy tails, Luna.”
[Luna]
Luna sighs heavily. “Halone sees fit that even during these trying times I still hold my sword and shield with full conviction. If The Fury herself suddenly decides to rob me of my strength, then we will surely have larger issues.” she jokes back with a small smile. Seeing the man rise to take rest, she too begins to stand, pausing as he speaks. She goes still after he finishes, clearly caught off-guard. “I…” she trails off for several seconds before her face softens and she smiles truly. “Thank you Gair. I could not ask for a better brother in return.” she responds, following the man upstairs in turn. She peeks her head into the room with Lucatiel, finding her fast asleep and lightly snoring, her left arm hanging off the bed as if she passed out suddenly. She leaves the man to find his comfort as she extinguishes the lights of the upstairs, going into her own room, alone with her thoughts for the night. However tonight would find her mind ever so slightly more ready.
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